5 Principles for a Thriving Business and Marriage when You Work with Your Spouse

After successfully working together with her husband for nearly three decades, Karol shares 5 principles necessary to not only survive, but thrive together at home and at the office. 

When Karol was first asked in the summer of 2000 if she would be interested in leaving her IT management position at the hospital to become the administrator for her husband, Dr. Thomas W. Clark and his two general surgery colleagues at their independent practice in Virginia, she said ‘no way’.  Then, she took a long run, thought about the many benefits for the opportunity and with a little bit of hesitancy, said ‘sure’. 

Fast forward through many ups and downs, establishing a new practice, facility planning for a 10,000 square foot facility, building a dream team, publishing many best-selling books, creating online courses, and keeping quality patient care at the core of everything, she is so glad she took that leap of faith and has had the opportunity to work together to create something special.  While she still works with her husband and their dream team, she spends most of her time helping other weight loss physicians and their teams bring their vision to fruition, avoid pitfalls, and accelerate their business growth. 

What helped Karol and Dr. Clark stay focused on what was most important – like outstanding patient outcomes, their marriage, their 4 children, and their extended work family?  Karol attributes it to five main principles they both try to live by: 

1. Don’t Keep Score: If you have ever met Karol, you know that she is a bit of a routine, systematized person.  And, her ‘love language’ is service.  So, when she works together with Dr. Clark and the team, she enjoys doing things for them to make life more enjoyable and efficient. Karol is not really that interested in expensive gifts and that sort of thing. She is more interested in ‘helping’ which can be a double-edged sword – especially if you ever keep score.  Meaning feeling as if acts of service are not reciprocated well such as one person feeling as if they are doing the bulk of work at home or at work.  While Karol is embarrassed to admit such feelings, she had to work to share how she felt and realize that they were in a partnership. Just like any partnership, there are going to be times when you walk side by side, and other times when one takes the lead.  That’s the whole point of having each other’s backs. Karol believes that if you ever feel incongruency, it is imperative that you discuss what is happening and how you feel because you don’t want to harbor those feelings and end up feeling frustrated, angry or resentful.
2. Make a Conscious Commitment to Your Family, Your Spouse, and to Yourself: Karol remembers that she used to put herself last and would feel guilty if she ever did something nice for herself. The kids were easy to put first, the business was easy to focus on (required for our livelihood and the livelihood of our team), marriage was kind of easy to focus on, but she put herself last. Over time, Karol discovered that you really need focus on all three. As things started to drift, she talked this over with Dr. Clark and they made some changes.  Every year, they would sit down together (away from the kids) and review something we had prepared ahead of time.  This included our goals for business, our family, our relationship and our personal goals. They found this was an excellent example for the kids too and as they got older, they sat down with the kids and did the same.  You see, although you might not think there is time to do this, once you solidify your own goals and understand the goals of others in your family, you can support each other  in a much more effective way.
3. Fight for Balance Between Work and Home – Set Boundaries: The third principle to live by is to work hard to keep a balance between home and work. You might think that is impossible. You might be asking, ‘How do you ever do that when you work together full time?’ It requires you to make a conscious decision to do so and set clear boundaries. For example, when at home, limit whatever office discussions need to take place – and only have them during an agreed upon time (avoiding dinner time or family time). Don’t be afraid to ‘call it out’ when your ground rules are compromised.
4. Date Night: When the kids were little, Dr. Clark and Karol reserved Thursday evenings as their date night where they would go out to dinner.  They loved this time together and used it for both business and personal purposes.  Dinner didn’t have to be expensive (with 4 kids, they couldn’t afford expensive anyhow). On date night, they had a regular sitter to watch the kids.  This was sacred time together.  At dinner, they talked about what happened that week, what was coming up next week, progress on goals, and plan for anything that required time to discuss. By the time they arrived home, the kids were in bed and they had more together time to enjoy each other’s company.  Fast forward to today when the kids are all out of the house and you will find them talking over dinner, on the back deck, or in the sun porch where they can ‘savor the day’ and discuss whatever is top of mind for business or their personal life.
5. Keep it Interesting: It is important to keep your passion for life and marriage alive so you are never two ships passing in the night. If you have let this slip, it doesn’t take much to get back to where you want to be. You can send a cute text to your partner or plan a dinner or massage together. Perhaps a weekend away is in order or a long weekend hike or swim together. Whatever you enjoy doing together, do more of that. Karol also reflects on the fact that they are blessed to have a group of awesome friends that include them on little weekend vacations or vacations with their families all together. It is important to keep that passion alive so you don’t get to the point where (if applicable) your kids are grown up and you don’t really know each other.

Another thing that helps keep your relationship on a great note is to be sure not to criticize your spouse out in public. If you have observed this happen with couples, you likely realize how terrible it feels. There’s no need to criticize each other publicly. 

No need to end on a negative point.  However, hopefully you can see that you can have a thriving business and passionate marriage even when you work together.  In fact, we could say because you work together. Not every day is perfect. There are days where you will get upset with each other, but at the end of the day express how you feel and apologize as necessary. If you follow these five principles, it will serve you well in your relationships, whether it’s with your partners, your spouse, your kids, or your friends. 

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